Words from the burbs

So my friend Sam told me a story about a mutual friend of ours who apparently got really drunk and fisted some girl and then did not remember it until she told him about it. Good lord! Who has to be reminded they have fisted someone? Who reminds people that they have been fisted? Now Sam and I say "We would not fuck that with M---'s fist."

The weather is warm, so nice sorority titties are on display again at U of L. Perky, freshmen boobies. Spring is beautiful!

It is such a beautiful day today. Zule is at the park with our son. Dbot is sick. 

 

I bought the kids cascarones, and there was confetti and wax shreds everywhere. http://www.ssww.com/store/product/sku=SL4951

seaton ate some. shh don't tell zule. He also ate a lot of chocolate.

Around 11, We went out to my papaw's house for easter dinner. My family lives way the fuck out in indiana. exactly there: way the fuck out. when we got there, there was an easter miracle. My grandfather has a three foot tall statue of Jesus, pointing at his heart, wildly painted, since they are all catholic. somehow, the head had been knocked off and was sitting next to it on the ground. Dbot, my eleven year old, immediately started taking pictures and giggling. By the time we left, the head was reattached. Sell that shit on ebay!  I think one of my uncles epoxied it though, but don't tell the canonical college.

I got to see my baby second cousin! yay. she is so cute.

When we got home, drake and I created a marshmallow peep jousting tournament with toothpick lances and tinfoil armor. One peep was the herald with a bugle.  The peeps battled in the ring of death (the microwave). I owe BAAL for the germinal idea on this. thank you, thank you, BAAL!

Then it was dinner at the in-laws. Then I went to bed at 10 p.m., exhausted.

 

Last nite, my sister, jacqi, was supposed to meet zule and me and quite a few other people up at Dave's Outpost. She bailed. Finally, her friend Charlie talked her through her panic attack over a wal-mart shopping experience and she came up to the bar. I had a great time. My sister gave me a "peaked rain bonnet", those plastic things that old ladies use in the rain, since I'm always bitching about how sudden rainstorms mess up my hair. My life is now complete. After Dave's Outpost, we were supposed to go to Akiko's for standard Karaoke. Instead, Zule took me to some bar in Hikes Point called Chugs. It was frightening, with country karaoke, the UK game and a singing dolphin wall plaque in the bathroom.

 Today, I got the kids their easter baskets: kindersurprise eggs from International Star Market, Godiva rabbits and lots of Marshmallow bunnies/peeps from Kroger. I can't wait to blow them up in the microwave. Yay.

http://www.keypad.org/bunnies/index.html

 

Did you ever read Choke? well, I really did almost choke tonite at the derby dinner playhouse production of Aint Misbehaving, and no one tried to save me with the heimlich. Prior to the show, they serve a dinner buffet, which included pot roast, which was hard to cut with my butter knife. So, I had taken on a larger piece than I intended. After I finished my coughing spell, I wiped my eyes to get rid of the mascara, unfortunately, it hurt. I had gotten horseradish on my hands and somehow got it in my eyes. I was really fu*ked up there for a minute or two.

not as fuc*ed up as this.

http://rush68.net/~dave/crap/story.htm

that is so sick.

 Thank God I have a DVD player in the living room! I've tranqued the kids out with Finding Nemo. So far today, my baby boy has written on the walls, grabbed a computer component and tried to eat it, fought a nap like a banshee and poured juice all up in our main t.v., so it was flipping through channels without pause. He has way too much energy for a toddler. Let this be a warning to those of you that are planning on having kids: some of them are wilder than others.

I now have the in-flight safety brochures from a Canadair CL-65 and a B767-300 3 cabin (I collect them. they are an excellent example of commercial art, the cartoon people demonstrating the safety evacuations always look so happy.).

Day 1) Get to Paris (Roissy CDG airport) take bus and metro to city. Get to TimHotel Le Louvre. Nap. Go site seeing. Itch for internet. Fall down metro stairs. hurt self. Go to Eiffel Tower. Get food and wine at market and get drunk in hotel and go to sleep. Mom has insomnia. She made a tent of blankets over me so she could read with the lights on. I woke up thinking I was in a tomb. Had a strange cauchemar that spiders were climbing out of my nails.

Day 2) Le Louvre was shut (to film the Da Vinci Code), so mom and I went to St. Denis Cathedral, the most beautiful cathedral I know of, except the Kolner Dom. http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/encyclopedia/S/Sa/Saint_Denis_Basilica.htm

Therein, I got to see the eviscerated heart of Louis XVII, the Dauphin, so that was cool. I am a historian, so I was really happy digging through the royal necropolis. Mom and I went shopping. We took a nap and then went to Montmartre in the evening.

Day 3). Mom went to the Louvre, I went to Notre Dame Cathedral at noon and listened to the clerestory. The pigeons explode into flight when the bells ring. Quite delightful. I went back to the hotel and then finished #9Dream by David Mitchell. In the subway, one of the people who perform for change came on (quite a cute man and karaoked this dude). . http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/lyle_24/myhero.html   It was awesome. I gave him 20 centimes.

Mom and I ate at a sit down restaurant at nite and played with the dogs who lived at the restaurant.

Day 4). Musee d'Orsay. Stared at Courbet's Origine du Monde for quite a while giggling. http://www.artchive.com/artchive/C/courbet/origin.jpg.html  We went to the Eiffel Tour again. got wine and food and went back to the hotel.

Day 5) We went to the Paris Opera House. Then we took the Roissy Bus to the airport and spent the entire day in transit. Went to sleep at 10:30 EST, and woke up un-jetlagged. Nice!

 

zule's plan to killed me was thwarted. he gave me an european power adapter, so that  i could use my hairdryer. when I turned on the hairdryer, the entire thing, the plug thingie, the hairdryer etc, blew up and across the room. I had a nice mark on my hand exactly in the shape of the "reset" button on the hairdryer.  this blew the fuse for the room so the tv blew out and now we have no clock.  Zule gave me the adapter.... I wonder if he is trying to kill me. killed by a hairdryer in france, certainly a fitting death for me.

a bientot.

okay, so my flight was uneventful, excepting the following: a kid kicked my seat the entire time and screamed for an hour, and the mad shitter struck. my mom went into the bathroom, and there was shit everywhere. she told the flight attendant, but there was a translation issue. I told her to tell them "il y a du merde parterre", which means there is shit on the floor. www.madshitter.com

day one, exhausted. Fell down metro stairs. very painful.

day two, much better, went shopping, did my research at st. denis cathedral. found internet. had to type on stupid french keyboard. now I am on an english one. went to montmartre.

day three, lots of coffee, internet and going to tool around the latin quarter.

my assault on the french language continues. damn their pesky indirect object pronouns.

I have a terrible migraine. I have to fly for eleven hours today. I hope the in flight movies don't suck, but I rather suspect they shall. I hate to fly, so I am filling a sipper cup with chardonnay and taking an emergency vicodin with me.

 Dbot is digging through her stuff looking for the power cord for her ipod. She was finally in the mood to download itunes (her step mom gave her an itunes gift certificate and I've gotten a lot of free song downloads from the bottletops of the diet pepsis I drink), and she can't do it until she charges the ipod up. Her daddy spoils her recklessly: a trip to france,a tiffany necklace and the ipod. Everytime she comes back from his house, she has a certain european condencention to all things Kentucky.  She abruptly lost the tiffany necklace and I grounded her until she found it. I think I was more pissed than anything. Never in my life has anyone gotten me anything from tiffany & co, and here she is 11 and has a tiffany necklace. So my punishment was arbitrary and capricious and predicated in jealousy. The Legalists of the Qin state would not approve. The necklace turned up.

Flashback ex-stripper scare: about a month ago, my neighbor down the street, the one no one has ever seen, was mowing his yard. When I finally saw him, I freaked out. He was an old customer of mine who used to make me sit with him  for drinks and he would always try to tongue kiss me. He was a total perv. Let this be a lesson, when you are eighteen,  don't blow your future by stripping. The freaky customers may end up being your suburban neighbors. I won't let my kids go near his house. I think he lives with his elderly mom.

It never fails. Everytime I buy a twelve-pack of Heineken at my Kroger, there is some PTAmom who says "HI!" in a fake hi pitched voice and then stares at my beer. Today, more disturbingly, an entire flock of PTAmoms saw me buying heineken (and only heineken) as they oversaw their adorable little evil girl scouts selling cookies in the cold. So far, I had managed to hold out against the evil cookies. But tonite, I bought some samoas. MMMM.

 

i have been informed this means "goat sucker" in spanish. there may be a kentucky equivalent in my backyard. it is a large racoon. its eyes are fierce and it lives on my trash. It just screeched at me again. apparently, he has words for me. Scary racoon words.
He eats my son's diapers. that is messed up. the worst part is, the stupid creature drags my trash through my long suffering neighbors' yard. I think all my neighbors had high hopes when zule and I moved in. but, we have a blacklite for a coach lite and a very messy yard and a pick up truck. Their hopes were dashed. As long as my nextdoor neighbors continue their sanford and son junk dealing out of their house and methamphetimine usage, I still say we are safe from public censure. if those people ever move though, we are doomed.
Odd:

www.lobsterboy.net

Like three days ago, I was at the post office and this dude next to me was losing it. (a customer, not a postal employee). He was fiercely yelling about how there was no way that his letter was worth 4 more cents in postage (it had been returned to him), and that he definitely was not paying for another stamp as it should have gone through the postal system the first time. I have never seen that kind of insanity up close and personal. It was a touching moment.

the weekend was good. went to church and "previewed" the sex education books for the sex education course we are having. Since we are unitarian, there were a lot of cartoon pictures of hairy women on top of men. *giggles*.

Well, here are two other blogs with actually interesting people involved:

www.mrquick.net

www.ohiovalleynorsemen.com

 

what is it with jefferson county public schools? they randomly shut. today was such a day. I ended up with a lot of preteens at my house, since school was out for an as yet undisclosed reason. Yet, the fu*king school district sent me a letter last week indicating my child was truant and I was a bad parent. (this has to do with the fact that occasionally I pull D__out of school to visit her dad.).  I would homeschool, but I have proof homeschooled children are illiterate. D___ got a flame from her best friend, who is evangelical christian and home schooled. Many accusations flew, including "you know that I mite have low self esteam". 

Happenings:

Finished paper. Finally

went to Jumbo Buffet.

Not an exciting news day here.