Words from the burbs

I'm very sick today. I had to  leave work early. Exciting news! Not much is going on. I'm back working in real estate, but if blog about it, I'm certain people will kill me for boring them to death. People in the legal profession always say "We can't discuss our work its privleged." Which is a cute way of saying "It's boring as hell to hear about."  The legal profession is as tight knit as any other subculture such as the goth community. My first day back, I called my old boss and dissed out new gossip. I never talk about my friends, except to Zule, but if you are a random person, and you've done something stupid, I will discuss it, with any one who will listen.

Now, lawyers do have a good sense of humor. Read this, relating to the SCOTUS decision of last week.

http://www.freestarmedia.com/hotellostliberty2.html

"The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Admit it. Lawyers be funny. They are also really dark people, for the most part. Who knows why this is?

I'm totally unacustomed to working all day. I'm so tired. Then when I come home, the house is  a mess and the kids need food. To top it all off, I'm not feeling too hot and zule has to freaking work all night, everynight.

For example, last night, Zule and I were supposed to go on a date to Molly Malones. Two minutes prior to our leaving, his pager went off and he had to walk people through manually restarting a server.

I went by myself. It was a storytelling event, and it was really fun. Except I totally laughed at the most macabre stuff and most everyone else was quiet during those moments. Not everyone thinks suicide is hilarious.

Tonight, while cleaning the kitchen, I gave the baby some pudding. He got pudding all over the place, so I gave him a bath. While he was in the bath he pooped. So I had to clean that up. I think the chances of my cooking dinner in my present exhausted state are slim to none. Spaghettios, fool!

Zule and I went to St. Martha's tonight. Here in Louisville, you will hear people talking names over the summer, like "St. Joe's" , "St. Pius'" of my favorite "St. Aggie's". People are referring to church picnics at different parishes. Unless they say "Mag" and that means the Magnolia Bar and Grill.

 Louisville is a Catholic city, and there is nothing, I repeat nothing, more entertaining than a catholic church picnic. You can gamble, drink, smoke, etc. And there are elaborate contests between the parishes to master the Friday fish fry and make the most money. Just watch out though, most of the hotties are like fifteen. We had a lot of fun. I bought sweatone some tickets to the bouncy jump, but he got a bloody nose from some rambunctious four year old that body slammed him. O yeah, I've noticed Catholics are a prolific people. The same people who were showing off a new baby last year have a new 2005 model. I could not imagine having more than two kids. Much less two or three in diapers at the same time.

See y'all at St. Joes. (St. Joeseph's Orphans Home Church Picnic) (Everyone goes to St. Joe's since it is not a parish, just a charity. Its totally be and be seen time, with beer. Bring your quarters bitches, its for the orphans).

Much love.

I almost typed by accident "fist day at work". Now that would be interesting. Like Take Your Fist To Work Day.

Why do I have such a disgusting sense of humor? Who knows?

Work was fine. I have to water plants each Friday. Yes. I left myself a post-it. Ironically, for someone who is so discombobulated in their personal life, I'm kick ass with real estate. Frightening command of condominium law. Woot!

I better stop with the political shit I've been writing, as BAAL accused me of being a racist. I don't want to piss him off, or he'll quit paying me child support. Then where would I be? Quite a few bottles of chardonnay short a month. :)

When I lived in San Diego, there was one thing I really missed from Kentucky. That was lightning bugs. In fact, I spend an inordinate amount of time in the yard catching them in the evening. When I was in San Diego, I was talking to these chicks from Vietnam once, and I asked them did they have lightning bugs there. They did not recognize the term. I then described a lightning bug/firefly. I said, "They are bugs that their ass lights up and you catch them and put them in a jar with holes in the top..." A brief look of horror appeared on the Vietnamese chicks' faces followed by a brief discussion in Vietnamese. Then one of the girls said "Those are sacred in Vietnam, we don't catch them and put them in a jar". I thought, welcome to the United States, we put everything in a jar or bottle, usually plastic. Give me convenience or give me death - Dead Kennedys.

I always wondered why zule was antisocial. The more I interract with society at large, I realize there is a reason he is like that. I think he's right.

I have a few thoughts about cultural racism in the United States. I've noticed that in Sweatone's gymnastics class, there are three chinese girls, who were adopted from China. I'm not going to down that. China is the fuck, with forced abortions and one child policies from hell. But, I started thinking about why these parents would not adopt the available african american children here in Kentucky. I think it is because the lexus SUV driving moms don't want people at Kroger to think they fucked an African American man. Racism is a strong prejudice, but remember, every culture has its own racial profiling. I think it would be a lot better for America if everyone started having sex with everyone else and we all ended up slightly brownish.

For your review, the children that are "Special Needs" in Kentucky, notice many of them have no other "disability" than their color.

https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/snap/search_results.asp

Thank God for gay couples and the increasing number of foreign couples from Germany and Canada who are adopting these children. When people say "Its too hard to adopt an American child, so I went foreign" they have not completely researched the issue.

This was my email to Representative Northup 3rd District Kentucky today:

Representative Northup: As an elected official, I expect you recognize the importance of one's right to express themselves freely in a public forum. Please vote AGAINST cutting federal funding from public television and public radio. If the public does not support these media outlets, effectively, you have censored these outlets by making them subject to corporate sticture.
In closing, I know that you are conservative, but that you try to do what is best for the public good. Public radio and television is best as a government subsidized unbiased forum.

I know it will get nowhere. I sound almost sorry for her, that she is conservative. Check out her website, she is standing with Tubby Smith, who is probably the only black person she's met. http://northup.house.gov/index.asp

Actually, ironically, she has the African American vote in this state. She got them on abortion  and she pumps a huge amount of money into the West End. They love her over there. (far away, across the I-65 freeway that sadly but effectively divides this city into Black and White).

I also got into a fight at Bill Collins' Ford today. http://www.billcollinsford.com/

My son takes gymnastics there, at a place within the Bill Collins complex. The first area in which one can park was blocked by some a$$sneeze, who had parked taking up two spaces. So I drove on to the nearest unassigned space. I get out of the car with my son and daughter and this sales person comes up and asked me to move my car to Siberia, so as to not block his (at this point)  imaginary customers. I told him off, considering that there were at least eight open spaces adjacent to my car and no Nissan purchasers... He made this other woman move her car: she is in class with Sweatone, the woman has adopted two unwanted female children from China, one of whom has medical problems, and made her walk all the way with these two little girls. That really pissed me off. Basically, I think a lot of people are adopting kids from China, b/c its the hip thing to do, but at the same time, he should bow down and kiss that woman's ass, not make her move her car with two baby girls. And when we came out, there was no one parked in the customer spaces. Apparently, no customers materialized. Fucker!

Disclaimers are everywhere. My favorite right now is the one on my kid's Cocoa Puff's box next to a shrek 2 iron-on decal on the back:

Caution: This activity involves using a hot iron. Only an adult should do this activity, be careful: cardboard transfer will still be hot. DO NOT IRON WHILE WEARING SHIRT.

litigious fucks. This has inspired me to project "Caution, Trains ARE Dangerous' on to the side of a moving train somehow at dusk and film it as an art film. It would suck, but so does most art.

I look like I've been in a fight and lost. My eyes don't hurt as much, but I look like shit.

People who eat apes:

http://www.gastronomica.org/pages/sample3.2.html

I realised that lobsters are actually some type of sea insect. Now I'm grossed out and won't eat one.

Food is a cultural preference.

I finally got my sectional couch clean. Yay! When we bought the couch, Zule measured incorrectly, and thought our living room was 16 feet transverse, instead of long. We were worried it would not fit. It can host four passed out adults at one time. Its very comfortable. We also have a couch termed "the ASS couch" in the basement. It is so comfortable, if you sit your ass on it, you stay, hence the nickname.

I woke up from a nap and my eyes are completely swollen shut. I have pinkeye. I'm wearing sunglasses as I type this in the basement. I feel like I have porphyria.

I have no plans for the weekend,  except I may take the kids to see a mock refugee camp downtown and I am going to an art potluck sunday night. For some reason, I am babysitting all day today for  my nephew.

Just now, as I was composing my thoughts, Sweatone pegged Dbot with a magnet and a hailstorm of pennies. He's so brutal. Like a wolf. Dbot now has a bruise on her hand.

Zule has completely stopped doing any work product at work. He just goes to meetings all day and floats around talking to people in anticipation of his quit date. When he told me how he just goes to meetings and talks all day, all I could think was "sounds like management material to me."

Zule, get that TPS report done, bitch!

http://www.tuesdayswithmantu.com/

Its true, I'm from Nigeria, and I need your money. I'll pay you back. I promise.

Last night, Whistler and I went to get Mexican food and then the kids and we got into an enormous pillow fight. I told Dbot to quit whacking him in the face, b/c he has a chin piercing and I a) did not want him to get a pillow stuck to his face and b) did not want a hole in my couch pillow. This reminds me, last weekend BAAL kept saying the word "pillow biter" and Dbot kept asking what that was. I will leave it to him to explain.

Today I have big plans to get a duplicate rebate receipt I lost, go to the post office and clean my house.

She somehow left her purse in her car, and it was stolen. I watched her son all day so she could get a new identity. Well, a duplicate identity. I'm not much better. I was convinced I'd left my driver's license at the Mag Bar, but it turns out, it was in my wallet the entire time. Sweatone found it when he was digging through my credit cards.

Yesterday, I had a massive scare. Dbot informed me that Sweatone was lost. We searched the entire house, screaming his name. The side door was cracked open. I ran out side. No sweatone. Dbot and I were in hysterics. We finally hear a demonic giggle from the top of the stairs to the second floor. Sweatone had been hiding from us. The only thing he said was "I funny."

I hope to go out to dinner tonight.

Yay.

I spent the entire morning taking photos of my ex boyfriend shaving his beard. Its not as exciting as it sounds. Here are some whores at pride parade in Los Angeles:

www.dictator.org/anna.jpg

www.dictator.org/gloria.jpg

www.dictator.org/paris.jpg

Thanks Evil Randar!

On Thursday, Zule and I could not get things coordinated to leave. Every emergency under the fucking sun exploded. Right before we left,  a minor crises erupted whereby the phone service at a house got disconnected and Zule had to re start the phone service and it took forever.Finally, we got on the road. Then, our progress was cock blocked by these hippies. http://www.bonnaroo.com/2005/

Finally, we got to BAAL's house. It is really cool. Its what the future looks like.

On Friday, we baby sat for BAAL's niece and then in the evening saw Interpol and the White Stripes. The White Stripes rocked out. Meg Whites breasts kept perfect rythym. It was hypnotic.

On Saturday, we went to the Flying Biscuit for breakfast. Zule and I tried to eat grits to no avail.  Then we all went to Willy's for lunch and Piedmont Park for a promenade a pied. In the evening Zule took Dbot to see the Killers and then we switched off and I took Dbot to see the Pixies. Un Chien Andulusian!

Sunday we came home and again traffic was fucked thanks to the bonarro tards.

. Thanks BAAL for hosting us kentucky kin! We love you and C!

Okay, so we are supposed to go to Atlanta today. We are still not packed. I am a huge procrastinator. I had all day Tuesday to pack, and three hours yesterday, and did nothing, except surf the net and nap and AIM and swim at my cousin's house. I'm pathetic.

Everyone will be excited to hear that the hairball arrived at 10:38 a.m. yesterday morning. On my sectional.

This morning, the baby woke up with pinkeye, the house was a mess and I'm still not packed. I've gotten the house cleaned up, and I'm going to go pack now. Still procrastinating and drinking coffee. I did pay my African orphan's sponsorship up first thing this morning.

BTW, the funniest part of yesterday's rant, that no one called me out on was that I drive a SUV. HA!!!!!!!!

If you want to watch a movie, and you want to go to a corporate movie theater, the new Cinema De Lux off of Preston Highway is pretty fly. They even have a bar inside! Zule scored some tickets to that new Roberto Rodriguez kids movie, and I took Dbot and her friend there to watch it. I got bored and ended up playing Dance Dance Revolution Extreme. I suck really bad. I even had Sweatone to help me. I sat him next to it and was like "Jump on BLUE for the love of God!" I think he got more points than I did.

I hear screams from upstairs, I better go look in on the loverbees.

Much love!

I can never find anything to write with in my house besides crayons. Crayons are everywhere, pens are not. When an important call comes through, and I have to take a message, I always end up writing with a yellow crayon on white paper, and cannot read it later. Either that or I have to run downstairs and send myself an email with the number. Or write with a sharpie.

This morning, I let Sweatone help me wash dishes. In one quick move, he jumped into the sink. He is a jedi master I think.

Does being gay affect your driving?

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=583&e=3&u=/nm/20050607/od_nm/italy_gay_dc

I think not, but possibly being Republican affects one's driving. For some reason, Ford Explorers with "W" stickers on the back are the stupidest drivers on the road, and its always some soccer mom with a GodDamn cell phone stuck to her head trying to escape the twelve kids she has in the back seat and her unfulfilled life via the cell phone. I think a lot of people vote Republican since its the popular thing to do.  I swear the soccer moms only talk about Desperate Housewives (I know, b/c I go to a lot of kids birthday parties and am in the know). There is a lesson in there. I've never seen it, b/c I'm not.

I've been on a rant against my cat for two years. The animal was so cute when we got him from someone I used to work with at Luce Forward five years ago, on Mother's Day, 2000. www.luce.com.

Zule assured us, during the kitten selection process, it was a shorthaired female. We named him Sally. Three weeks later, the truth came out. Sally was a boy kitty. We renamed him "Apollo Junior", but no one calls him that. Everyone calls him Mr. Kitty or Mr. Shitty, depending on his most recent infraction. He actually has the best personality of any cat ever, except, he has mental problems. He pees on everything and he's totally bulimic. He leaves long grey hairs everywhere. Still, I cannot part with him, because I'm weirdly loyal (same thing with my Mazda Protege). Now, Sweatone has taken a dislike to the cat. He kicked him, for which Sweatone got in trouble. This morning, he smeared the cat with yogurt. The cat looks like the drummer from Blink 182, minus the piercings. Bathing the cat was not high on my priority list today. Poor Mr. Kitty.

I was supposed to go out to a show last night to see the Spunks/DCR at Headliners, but I got sick. Blah! Plus, I've been feeling really reclusive lately. I have no idea why. Les Miserables was great!

I had a great idea today: why not take the kids to the zoo? www.louisvillezoo.org

Except it is so fucking hot, my chuck taylors were melting into the pavement. We looked at three exhibits and came home. Now everyone is in the wading pool. Woo! I'm going out there presently.

I am the world's biggest dimwit. Zule gave me a receipt so that we could get a 100 dollar rebate on a printer and I freaking lost the receipt. I'm so cloudy brained all the time. In the past, I have thrown away 3000 dollars worth of checks, birth certificates, etc. I told Zule, never, ever, give me another piece of paper. This does not bode well for a career as a lawyer...

Peace.

A while back on my friend's blog, he asked why it was that he blogged, and chalked it up to ego. Personally, I don't believe in the Freudian id, ego and superego. I think that Freud's divisions are just an indo-european cultural desire to divide everything into "three", like the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost, or Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. Up until Freud, people did not have a concept of a "sub-concious." When Pshychiatry became a new god, the id, ego and superego became the new godheads, and tellingly, moved the godheads into humans themselves.  I think people blog for the same reason that some person, 30,000 years ago, painted the Lascaux caves. Humans are biologically hard wired to transmit information and cultural memes. The internet provides a forum for meme transmission.

That being said, I can't figure out why people read this. O yeah, yesterday, the hits spiked, but with no referrals. I can only presume that the goth community of Louisville took note of the vendetta. Which is hilarious. I have nothing against goths per se, I just dislike pretention. Its the same reason I despise PTA meetings where everyone compares purses. Some of the coolest people I know are "goths". But they should realize the term gothic was invented by Reubens as a derisive remark on medieval cathedral construction. I have no idea why it translated into a sub-genre of middle class urban people, who listen to Liebach.

Well, today should be mellow. I <3 lazy days.

Sunday, I have Les Miserables Tickets, and I want to go to the Dead City Rejects show at Headliners. Headliners is the only local venue I can stand, except the Palace.

I got a cellphone. I'm so ghey. I downloaded a Replacements ringer.

Zule is so over his position at work. Hence, I salute him, with "Frankly Mr. Shankly". My favorite song, of all time, excepting Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart.

For some reason the site died. Here is my and BAALs commments on it:

09:18] me: zule is a dipshit.
[09:18] me: go to fuct.net
[09:18] Baal: que?

[09:18] Me: it says the community server release canidate has expired
[09:18] Me: i have no idea what a canidate is.
[09:19] Baal: awesome, this is the best post eva
[09:19] Baal: see, he totally should have been leet and used linux
[09:19] Baal: haha
[09:19] Me: now I've lost my blog forever.
[09:19] Baal: he can probably just update the license or something
[09:20] Baal: it's still around

[09:20] Baal: just the server wasn't posting it
[09:20] Me: he is gay.