Words from the burbs

Okay, so not that anyone cares, but for the most part, law school has been intuitive for me. Today, in civil procedure, I was grilled for ten minutes and my ignorance and lack of comprehension was revealed to the entire class. I feel really dumb.

Its raining a lot. So there is a lot of mud. I just witnessed both my children and the neighbor kids fighting, viciously, over a pile of mud. Mind you, the all have ipods and computers and stuff. I guess I should be happy that they appreciate the simple things, but I figure, with base instincts like that, the world will never want for attorneys.

So Scott and I went to El Tarasco, with Sweatone. He acted up (Sweatone not Scott). Badly. He threw silverware. Very surreal. To keep him quiet, we started drawing tattoos on him. The whole time, there was mexican karaoke going on. So after I paid, I sat him on the floor so he could dance. He started doing an amazing strip tease and within twenty seconds was down to his diaper, and was tugging on that. The people next to us had a very quiet baby. They said "Whoa a stripper". I thought they were talking about me. It turns out that at least one person in the group owns Nitty Gritty.

http://www.velocityweekly.com/2003/1217/life/fashion.html

Thanks evil randar: http://www.demonbaby.com/blog/2005/08/curiosities-from-japans-porno-shops.html

I hope zule is having fun in las vegas. For some reason, when we are in the car, sweatone demands to listen to "Comic Strip" by Serge Gainsburg over and over. I mean its a cool ass song, but after twenty listens, its a little stale.

http://asdf.org/~anna/fucrel/fucked_archive4.html

this is interesting, but sad. It makes me physically sick when people are cruel to their children. If I ever have a lot of money, Zule and I are going to set up a foundation called "Lex Talionis" which means an eye for an eye, and hire some scary dudes to go fuck the parents up that have done these things to their kids. I consider that fair.

 

but strangely fun website ever

http://www.holdthebutton.com/

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/08/26/skinny.firefighter.ap/index.html

poor little guy.

Zule's clothes got lost on his flight to las vegas, but they turned up. I suppose he won't have to be naked at strip clubs now.

My torts professor pointed out in class yesterday that often, trucks turning left off of Eastern Parkway onto Third get stuck under an overpass on the campus of U of L. Low and behold, he spoke the words of prophecy. Sure as shit, when I was leaving today, there was a truck as firmly wedged under the train overpass as a tampon. 12 feet clearance means 12 feet clearance people. That dude gets an honorary plastic vagina to hang from his truck in place of truck balls.

Two hot random chicks asked me to drop them off at the stadium (many people have to park at the stadium and take the bus into campus). I did so, but I had to get gas first, b/c my suv was on fumes. So, we all went to this ghetto gas station on third street. Scary news, that place. I swear it was run by Apu and his wife. I bet they have a sawed off shotgun with a hand on the pump though.

A smoking bar is opening on Bardstown Road with hookahs. They used to have these in California. All I say to Evil Randar is "Fumar-AY". The idea is, you go in, buy flavored tobacco and smoke it out of a hookah. (they give you a new mouthpiece, so your not sucking artsy hippy spit). Its actually quite fun. Even though I smoke and you'd think it would not affect me, sucking up tobacco from a hookah will get you high as a kite, I promise. The name of the new place is "Mantra". You can also smoke hookahs at the bar at Babylon, on Brownsboro Road.

I wonder how Baal is doing in India. I wonder if his proscriptive shots helped him avoid dysentery and malaria.

Once, when Zule, Dbot and I were driving on the 4 oh 5 in Los Angeles, we saw the weirdest thing. The 405 is comprised of 6 lanes of traffic and at times, while merging with other freeways, up to 12 lanes of traffic. There are no places to pull over. We looked over and a dude in the fast lane was driving on his rims. Sparks were flying everywhere. How on earth all four of his tires popped at once, and why he was still flying down the car pool lane at 80 m.p.h is anyone's guess. That is why I never drove in Los Angeles.

I have a serious problem. One about which I lie, and when asked, one I hide. It is my addiction to clothing and shoes. I've had this problem for a while, for example, when I lived in California, I bought a pair of Charles David shoes, and hid them in the trunk of my car. I'd put on my regular shoes and then put on my Charles David shoes once I got out to my car and then reverse the process when I got home. Hiding them from Zule I suppose, although I doubt he'd care. Last night, I took inventory, I have fifteen outfits I have not yet worn, with tags on them and 27 pairs of shoes. Oddly, all I ever really wear is a pair of cutoffs, a wife beater and Convers. I buy shit I never fucking wear at all, just to buy it. That's okay. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. No more purchases for me! For God's sake people, if you see me heading to Cherry Bomb, please intervene. Its gotten ugly.

Here is a flashback for zule

http://www.engadget.com/entry/1234000430055334/

options to the above.

http://www.mrquick.net/stjamesunfair/

Last night was groovy fun. There were tattoo artists, fine artists, performing artists etc., at the Art Sanctuary Soiree. The best part, aside from a rousing striptease performed to "I sit on Acid" by the Lords of Acid involved this dude in the parking lot who, in finding a large block of ice that the promoters were going to use but could not, decided that he would break it open with his head kung fu style. I rather suspect extacy may have been involved, b/c he was rubbing the ice block very sensually. I did not stay to see if he actually succeeded in breaking the ice block. I'm certain someone will eventually fill me in.

okay so zule and I have this 18 inch fake penis named Frank. (don't ask why we have it, its a long story and its a prank). Whenever someone passes out at our house, we traditionally set them up with frank and take pictures of them. Well, I was going through our pictures on our camera, and surely, last week, while I was snoozing, exhausted on our couch from law school, there are about four pictures of me with frank. mostly with frank pointed at my butt. In itself, I think the photos are funny, but I won't forgive Zule for taking pictures of my cellulite. Zule, you suck!

I've also noticed I eat french fries and popcorn really strangely. Instead of putting the items in my mouth, I stick my tongue out and kind of grab the item and then pull it in my mouth, like an anteater or that giger alien from Aliens. Luckily, I typically eat both popcorn and french fries in private.

 

I'm going to have to read all this dude's books. http://www.metroactive.com/papers/cruz/08.10.05/wilson-0532.html

I got the following flyer today:

God law school is easy, let'  s keep drinking: _____, invite you to a kegger Friday August 18 around 9 pm before the bars.

Both a classic and well punctuated piece of art.

It also has  a picture of a shirtless dude wearing a baseball hat, drinking a keystone for added emphasis.

I love it! I will keep it forever! O yeah, I'm not going to the party. I'm kind of adverse to keggers as a general principle. The last one I went to was my sister's wedding. True fucking story.

I'm so excited right now about law school. Its really fun. There is a lot to read though. Like literally 200 pages a day, + the famous "hornbooks". What the hell a horn book is or where it got its name, I know not. And with a name like that, you have to say "Do I really want to know"?

I'm helping with the Art Sanctuary shin dig this Saturday, at Riverbend Winery. They are having female and male models sporting fashionable clothes, and if you like the outfit, or the model, you can buy the clothes right off of their backs. This is a pretty good idea in my opinion.

You will be able to tell when I have nothing going on in my life presently when I tell an old story.

 When we first moved to California the second time, Zule was really tired, after driving all the way from El Paso (incidentally, at the California  border we thought that a plane was dive bombing the car, but it was just a damn model plane someone was using to scare people). He found an awesome parking spot at the hotel. The next day we woke up, ready to go find an apartment. zule had parked in a handicapped space. He talked his way out of the four hundred dollar ticket, chiefly by playing up the hick from kentucky angle. Zule is quiet persuasive in his redneck role.

There has been a drought here. Not severe, california forest fire bad, but still kind of sucky. (My tomatoes are not fairing well: total crop yeild to date: two tomatoes).

So, I washed my dusty car at the car wash: it rained.

I wore a dry clean only shirt today, and while walking to my car, it rained.

So, I think I must have predictive powers.

 

  This afternoon, Dbot told me someone was at the door, probably the geek squad (she based her assessment on the fact the individuals were wearing ties and were geeks). When I opened the door expecting the Best Buy geek squad (which would be odd, considering my husband is some sort of interweb/computer guy, but I thought, hey maybe they're here for a neighbor) and instead I saw  that they were mormons, I busted out laughing. Apparently, they had an appointment with me, in my time of need with law school (They had details). My sister must have set it up. This means war. We have a long standing battle for supremecy in this type deal, the best I ever got her was by signing her up with the art instruction schools. (They pursued her for almost one year with daily calls). Zule filled out the art test to demonstrate her supposed art ability, and in one instance, they asked that you draw a turtle's facial profile. Zule drew a turtle like a preschooler from a top shell view, with legs sticking out. They still asked my sister to join the school. Its some sort of pyramid scheme I think. You can take their art test here or prank your friends.

http://ais.imswebmktg.com/ais/unique/60974.php?t10=ADTEXT02&GTSE=goog&GTKW=art%20instruction%20school

The Target near my house is the center of all social activity. As I left today, the stupid shoplifting alarm sensor at the door went off and the security officer tossed my cart at the exit. thank god I knew no one.

 

  All day at law school, I come up with comparitively witty blog comments, and when I get home, I have no energy to post them.

There are a lot of hot chicks in law school, just saying.

I went shopping today in the highlands. Zule and I are buying a house over there soon, so its good to get re aclimated. The last time I really hung out in the highlands, I was like 20. Too many traffic issues these days.

 

Law school. orientation. was. long.

I'm tired. Too much to read in the future. I sense my internet usage will be way down.

Sweetone has been pooping on the floor at daycare, apparently.

I had to spend all day training someone. It was not fun.

Okay, so like today, I had to witness a rich old dude's will, and he was completely senile. Choice quotes (I'm dead serious here):

"What am I signing?"

"I am going to the country club today, but I can't play bridge b/c *long pause* ... I lost my brain".

Dude, if they call me in court over a contest, (since he's rich, there probably will be)...there is no way I'm perjuring myself. That man lacked capacity. I felt sorry for him. I hope I'm not that rich when I die. Everyone is like a fucking pirhana, the kids more so than the lawyers.

Luckily, b/c law school starts thursday! I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Here ya go!

http://www.seacoastonline.com/news/08052005/news/56211.htm

My kids are still adorable. The baby is so cute. When he gets angry he says "me mad" and gets totally red in the face and scrunches up his face.

This was on my coffee this morning:

Americans spend an average of 29 hours a week watching television - which means in a typical life span we devote 13 uninterrupted years to our TV sets! The biggest problem with mass media isnt low quality iits high quantity.

The rest was ripped off when I took off the java jacket.

At the bottom it, of course, had a disclaimer "This is the author's opinion, not necessarily that of starbucks".

Who cares, if someone wants to watch tv or not? The guy who wrote this blurb is a radio talk show host. I'm sure he wished people listened to the radio more.

I went to go buy Moses, my Kenyan orphan sponsoree, some pants and shirts and stuff at target. I realized, none of the pants or shits I originally selected for their fashion impact looked new, since the fashion here in the United States is to wear stuff that is sold pre-worn. I have no idea what that says about our society, but its pretty much blasted me into a full fledged depressive state. I better go take my meds.

 

I have to go buy my lawschool text books today. And get Dbot some new clothes for middle school. She's embroiled in reading The Half Blood Prince, so I may have to reschedule.  

He's exposed me. I'm an overweight chick in a bikini. That is a classic. Its better than being accused of being the guy that shoots paint out of his ass.

Dbot and I went to the trolley hop. It was fun. There was a car that blew bubbles!

I fear for our future: I've noticed no one under the age of 20 can type correctly. I blame cell phone text messages. They use cryptic shorthand that only they understand, like "U R HaWt"

Odd. Type or call. That's my rule. I don't use text. I have no idea how.

This is awesome! And they are so happy to get arrested. They look pretty good, considering they are daytime strippers.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0729051strip7.html

 

Zule and I were discussing how coffee orders demonstrate one's personality. For example, Zule and I are yuppies, but do we order coffee like yuppies? No. We order "two large coffees with cream" regardless of the location from whence we order (mc donalds, starbucks, heine, etc.) No double low fat half-cow half-caff shit for us. All that does is make the person spit in your coffee. People have a weird sense of entitlement, like they should be able to make food or drinks up and get excellent smiling service. My brother in law made me special order a sandwich at wendy's at the drivethrough once. The girl within the drive through window literally almost clawed my eyes out with her four inch acrylics. (the sandwich had been punctured by the acrylics as well). Bobby said "wtf happened to my sandwich?" I said "Be glad they did not have time to shit on it".

That being said, McDonalds needs to quit being so parsimonious about the coffee creamers. They always ask "How many creamers do you want?". I always say "six, please".

Another example of why I'm an airhead: Zule got me a manicure and pedicure gift certificate for my birthday. I went and got my nails done. At the end, I gave them the gift certificate. Wrong place. Nuff said.

GWAR is tonight at Headliners. Believe it or not, I think their stage antics, although antiquated, are worth going for a look see. Unfortunately, I'm too lazy to go and I hate people. So, I would not have much fun. I wish they had a webcast. Now that I would pay to see and I could sit on my couch. I'm not very interactive.

I ended the night by eating hotdogs wrapped in cheese only because I was tanked and I thought that would taste good. It did!

I cannot believe that. That is a new low. Jesus Christ, I need to get a life, so that I have something decent to blog about.

I miss bitchy bingo at Lips http://entertainment.signonsandiego.com/profile/92232

Now that restaurant was fun. I always got mocked for being a girl and stuff. But personalitywise, I'm pretty much a drag queen.

 

 

When I went to pick sweatone up from daycare yesterday, they had put his hair in a ponytail on top of his head. Feminine you say? I say adorable samurai. The only way I could get him to go quietly into that good night of day care this morning is promise him a pony tail. He really likes it.

I got the best presents from my family. EVER. My daughter made me a triple layer cake, and we pretended it was the baby's birthday because he gets very excited about the birthday song. He can sing it. Its very cute. My daughter made me an awesome purse, and the entire family bought me (a) alcohol related gifts and (b) artsy stuff.

Big plans for today? O, manicure, pedicure and two glasses of wine. Its good to be the thirty.

Yay:    Best singles site ever: www.writeaprisoner.com

They lifted the ban on selling alcohol here on Sundays. Yippee! I got a call last night from a random friend who was visiting a city in which I used to live demanding to know where to drink. I had two suggestions. I'm faster than google like that. Name a city, and I can tell you where to drink.