Words from the burbs

When I was at the gas station, I overheard two dudes buying powerball tickets and having the following conversation:

Dude 1: "That liger was sleek, yo."

Dude 2: "Yes, totally, beautiful animal."

I have no idea what they were talking about.

That is all.

closed memos = suck.

How about that picture Zule put on the front page? sharpei dogs do look like penises. Good call. I had a massive crush on David Hasselhof for like three years, when I was eight. Of course it was all tame, like we got married in my fantasies because I was not all warped (yet). The kit car was decorated with streaming wedding cans and "Best of Luck" messages in my dreams when we rode away into the sunset and into the famous "knight rider semi".

Sometimes I think that Zule just changes the pictures to fuck with me, but more likely he is doing it to fuck with you, the gentle reader.

Lately, nothing has been going on, except huge arguments with my toddler about who gets to flush the potty and some rigamarole my daughter came up with about a urine sample she had given "exploding". I'm glad Zule had to deal with the latter. How can a urine sample "explode"? Pop Rocks and fertilizer explode, not piss. I have no idea what it was about. Kids will keep you on your toes.

So last night I was getting ready to go out, and we don't have a full length mirror. I could not find my preferred shoes, which I knew intuitively, would match my outfit, instead, I got my second pair of shoes. To determine if the whole look worked with the non-preferred shoes, I climbed up on the bathtub to use the vanity mirror as a full length mirror, which I can only do from an elevated height. Stupidly, I grabbed hold of the shower curtain to balance myself (I was wearing heels on the edge of a wet bathtub). BAM, the shower curtain came down and whacked me in the head. Hard. Falling under my own weight I crumpled to the floor and then went into the living room once I was able to walk. Zule said he would have felt sorry for me, if I had not been so retarded.

Could you imagine, watching your own plane crash on the tv on the back of the airplane's seat? that is messed up.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/23/airliner.emergency.ap/index.html

Luckily, that pilot rawks!

I'm covered with pocky chocolate. Don't ask. It involves a protracted temper tantrum on behalf of my children, not a  chocolate bacchanal or anything hip.

Why, if we can put men on the moon, can someone not fix my sinuses?

The time of sinus inflammation is upon us here in Kentucky. My entire first year class sounds like a tuberculosis ward. Like Waverly Hills. 

Thank you meth ingredients in my sinus tabs, I will prevail.

I held a little baby today so her mom could go to the restroom. I offered. I said "do you want me to hold your little one while you use the restroom". She seemed pretty grateful. I've been in the same situation. Before they can walk, if you don't have help, you have to put them on the bathroom floor while you pee where there is a strong possibility that they'll lick the floor or crawl off to freedom. Little known parenting fact. Also, despite the fact that there are no pictures of me here, you can tell how harmless I appear to the naked eye, that some random law professor passed off her progeny to me, no questions asked.         

My husband was in the starbucks drive through this morning and the guy said, "Are you having a great day?" and  my husband said "Yes, I just got out of prison!" (not true) and the starbucks guy said "O, really?" and Zule said "Yes, I can't stop the pimping" (mind you, my husband is 34, with a long *metal lives* ponytail, driving our late model suv with a baby's carseat in the back). The starbucks dude said "O, I've heard the food is good" and then Zule said "Actually the food was not that good".  I told him that he should have said "Their coffee was better"

http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2005/09/survivor_storie_5.asp#more

this is a friend of a friend. So two degrees of separation.

what does bush think about roe v. wade?

Nothing, as long as it happens to New Orleans.

O btw, anyone who can get me an informed scholarly article in web form about the government flooding the levees during Hurricane Betsy in 1965 will get twenty bucks. I've found some info on it, but not enough to put up here.

Here is my morning in detail:

Wake at 6:15. Determine whether I can have 10 minutes of nookie with husband before day starts. Chances slim. Go back to semi-sleep.

6:30: Woken by daughter. She dreamt of aliens. Wanted to discuss with me. Told daughter, let me have five minutes.Go back to semi-sleep.

6:40: get out of bed. Dress. Look over at bed, see adorable little baby boy foot poking out from comforter. (child apparently turned aroun in sleep and all that was visible was adorable foot flexing while dreaming).

7:00: take beatiful daughter to school. Listen to gorillaz on repeat. Drink coffee.

7:45: go to gym. Notice perky asses of all incoming freshmen, male and female. Lament misspent youth. Verify weight is 128.5. Realize this is not fighting weight. Vow to lay off McDonalds and beer.

8:30: squirrel throws acorn not once, but twice at head while walking under tree on campus. Avoid one acorn, get pelted with other. Territorial little fucks, squirrels.

9:00 to 10:20: work on stuff:

10:30 to 2:20: Go to school.

Aren't you jealous?

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/09/15/caged.children.ap/index.html

What, did these people learn childcare in Roumania?

Randar, I no longer go on AIM b/c I'm about the most easily distracted internet junkie in the world. Same reason with why I don't take a laptop with wireless to class. I'd be like: dude, I wonder what is going on on xyz website.

Its better that I break the AIM habit. :)

I second Zule's emotion. Where are you, Mark?

Nothing interesting has happened, except I got a great score on my torts practice exam.

Woot!

This is random, but funny:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40512

Its really embarassing. My efforts to wink during dinner made my daughter laugh so hysterically she almost puked up her dinner. Good times. I have no fine motor control. I can't blink or whistle, and I can't stand on one leg.

Btw, digging the new gorrilaz cd. Treat this blog not the way you would normally, to find out about new music, but when it has finally hit the suburbs and its passe. But Kids With Guns is really snazzy. I remind myself of that guy from The Onion that writes celebrity news and is always wrong and says "Item". Or Jean Tisdale from The Onion. That chick is my queen.

I just went to my blog site here, and my computer started talking to me in a robot voice. I shall have to ask Zule what happened. It kept saying "for a new window, press the space bar".

The kids and I were in the car today listening to The Killers song ""Smile Like You Mean it". When I checked on the kids in the rearview mirror, I thought ought o, the baby is pooping himself, b/c he kept making the most god awful grimaces you have ever seen. It turns out he was just fake smiling along with the song when it was saying "Smile Like You Mean it". Adorable. He also drew a representational face yesterday, with two eyes, a nose, ears and a mouth.

My daughter, after a year of odd noisemaking, is able to play the William Tell Overature on the Viola.

What can I say, they make me proud.

Now Zule is saying he is going to work in his garage office in his bathrobe. I'm certain the neighbors will call the cops one day.

Also, of course, its the fourth year  anniversary of September 11. I remember that day as if it were today. I was excercising to Denise Austin at 6:30 in the morning, and my mom called (we were on the West Coast and she was on the East Coast). My mom said "J---, I don't know how to tell you this, but terrorists have taken planes and hit the pentagon, and the WTC." My first thought was that my mom had gone unhinged, which would not have surprised me. Then, I turned off the vcr and there it was. I ran screaming in to get Zule, who came out, in his bathrobe. And we sat and watched the towers fall. And people die. I threw up out of revulsion and disgust all morning, but at lunch, Zule and I and some friends went to the Broken Yolk Cafe to get out of the house. That day in San Diego was clear blue skies and beautiful. Some stupid bitch at the table was like "I have a plane to catch tomorrow, they better start the planes again, or else!".

I wrote her off forever as a selfish bitch.

I talked to a man at church today that was three blocks from Ground Zero when it happened. He just moved here from New York. It was an awful day, September 11th.

One day, when I worked at a law firm in California, I was outside smoking, and this middle aged man, an attorney at one of the other firms started talking to me. Then out of nowhere he said "I will buy you a house and pay you 35 thousand dollars a year on top of that if you will be my mistress". He was serious.

Odd. People are lonely and stuff.

My sister and I went to my cousins house last night to celebrate Zule's and my cousin's birthday. My sister got my husband a doo rag, which he wore and he looked fly as shit.

Then, later, my sister went into the bathroom. My cousin is totally artsy and her house is really interesting. (on a side note, I've hit her up to come decorate my house). In addition, my cousin's family is all from international places with different bathroom customs. Keep this in mind. Anyhoo, I'm sitting in the living room and all of the sudden, I hear my sister screaming and laughing from the bathroom, along with an odd "carwash" sound of water hitting the walls. Apparently, when she went to flush, she accidentally hit the attached bidet hose on the toilet and the bidet hose sprayed down the entire bathroom and was thrashing about like a snake. My sister of course was battling the hose like a python, but had no idea what was going on, or where the hose was attached, or why. Finally, my cousin's husband got it under control.  I almost pissed myself laughing.

Zule is going to make me a mini golf course in the backyard b/c he's just that fucking cool.

Two of my close friends are getting deployed to New Orleans this week, one in the national guard and one in a kentucky preparedness agency. I'm certain their time there will be difficult. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

http://www.waysidechristianmission.org/

Zule the kids and I are collecting the requested items and going to the drop off today. Further we are volunteering to help serve those in our community because of the hurricane and others that are homeless.

Federal Emergency Management Director Michael Brown told CNN that federal officials were unaware of the crowds at the convention center until Thursday, despite the fact that city officials had been telling people for days to gather there.

"We just learned about that today, and so I have directed that we have all available resources to get to that convention center to make sure that they have the food and water, the medical care that they need," he said.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WEATHER/09/01/katrina.impact/index.html

I cannot believe the situation at the convention center and astrodome in New Orleans. This is a sad terrible day. I admit, I'm a trifle curious why the national guard can't get in to deliver food and water. I'm sure the authorities are doing what they can, but I am so upset that people are so hungry with little ones and the sick. Often the sick and elderly are the ones that don't head evacuation notices, b/c they have no way to get out. Not everyone, like Zule and I can pile in our SUV and get the fuck out of dodge. Hopefully, my church will be acting on this crisis this weekend and I won't feel so helpless. At least I'll feel like I've helped.

This email I got seems pretty much on point, but it may be made up. I am too distraught to go snopes it up in my usual cynical manner: