I'm completely useless at real life stuff. Here is a true story, of life at our house yesterday:
I wanted coffee. I loaded up the coffee maker Zule got from Woot.com. Press the button. Nothing. Redo entire process. Push button. Nothing. Fine I thought, my forefathers conquered fire, I'll just heat up some water in the tea pot and pour it through the drippie part (literal thought process: noun = drippie part). I let the water boil. A couple minutes later, I smell a terrible smell. I had accidentally left the cord to the coffee maker on the stove. It caught on fire. Then there was the whole thirty seconds of "what to do?" *bites finger*
I unplugged the coffee maker, and slapped out the flames bare handed.
Just then Zule came home and took a look around and said "What on earth?" He's not convinced I should be using electricity.
If the whole house burns down, don't think its some sort of Sylvia Plath moment. I probably just forgot that fire is flammable.
I figure I'll probably die in some totally retarded manner. Zule and I have a pact that he has to make up a better death for the obituary.
for example:
Reality: I forget that automatic garage doors close. Brain squashed out on driveway.
Obituary: J++++, beloved mother and wife, died in the line of duty nursing sick puppies back to health.