Okay, so after I dropped DBot off at judo, I went to go wash my car. It was really dirty, due to the fact that a) I'm a slob and b) some dude gave me a venti coffee with cream the other day at the Starbucks drive through and the lid was not on and I spilled the entire thing in my car. In the 100 degree heat, it now was odious.
I take it through the exterior washing part at the car wash, rendering it cleanish. Then, since the car wash only has three vacuums, I pulled in the only one available which was behind some dude in a truck who has an apparent jihad against the middle class. I had pulled up fairly close initially, but then I saw that he was dragging some sort of large floor mat type thing out of the bed of his truck, which I assume is something called a "bed liner", which I'd seen referenced in print but never in reality. Then, he plunked it right down next to my clean SUV and made motions with the sprayer as if he were going to spray the filfth of it onto my car. So then, I stuck my head out, and said "Um, am I in your way? B/c I'll back up a little, there's only three vacuums". He said "Youre not in my way as long as you don't mind getting mud on your car". Okay, so I think this is a joke. I back up, as much as I can, considering I'm trying to FUCKING VACUUM WITH THE VACUUM. Anyway, I commence vacuuming my car. I engaged strata of fries and pop tarts that should not be. When I get done, I drive away happily. When I get home, I realize, the fucker was not kidding, he sprayed fucking mud all over my clean car! I would NOT care typically, but its just the context. I just washed my car.
I must be losing my looks. This would have never happened to me at 22.
And in closing fucker, if I find out who you were, I'm going to peel your NASCAR stickers off your truck and piss on them.
Thank you.