Words from the burbs

I look like I have maps of orange continents on my right arm, but otherwise I look tan. I'm hoping the fake tan will disguise my cellulite when I'm in Mexico. I miss Zule, he's in Miami in a hotel that does not have internet. In the meanwhile, I've got one class this morning and a whole bunch of packing to do. I really dislike flying, so I'm taking a course book with me and forcing myself to study (Secured Transactions). If I can get in the zone, the flight will be over before  I know it and I'll know about commercial collateralized transactions at the same time.  Oddly enough, as much as I like travelling just with Zule, I go through a day of "mom withdrawal". I get super concerned that something is going to happen when I can't do anything about it. The last time I went on a cruise sweatone took his first steps, the little bugger.
Last night the cat escaped. I finally lured him back in by shaking his food container, which is traditional call to arms. Of course, all these other cats showed up in the interim, and as much as my cat is a douche, I thought "NOT YOU CATS, MY CAT".  The animal has the size and temprament of a manic steer.  When he was a baby Zule carried him every day to work on his shoulder, like a parrot. Of course, the cat has middle child syndrome, badly. He is expressing his angst by trying to escape and get hit by a SUV, the natural predator of the St. Matthews house ca.

O fuck, I just looked over and there is a goddammed bird in my patio.

Everyone but dbot went to the Carl Casper Custom Auto Show today. It was fun! Not that  I know anything about cars, but it was groovy.

We had to put Sweatone in time out for repeatedly telling his sister "Goodbye, Bitch".

Everything is going really well. I've gotten my life relatively organized and things cleaned up.  (not the litter pan,  I hate cleaning that, I just dump more litter over the top until theres about 50 lbs of concreted cat shit and then I clean it while cursing the gods aloud).  One thing is bugging the shit out of me though. My entire life, I've eaten whatever I wanted and stayed 124 lbs.  This is since high school and excepting pregnancies. Okay, so I have to look nice for a job interview next week and I'm going on a cruise. Because I'm stressed over having to look nice,  I've been eating pounds of sugar cookies. Today I ate a huge portion of lasagne and freaked the server out. She said "wow, no way, you ate all of that".  I've gained five pounds and I feel gross.  I suppose its protein and vegetable time for me next week before  I  Veruca Salt- blueberry it up on the cruise.

Really, it was a non-holiday. The baby was sick, the teenager was fussy, and I had class until 7:30.  As I was driving to my inlaws to pick up the kids (Zule had to work), I realized that we'd probably punked their valentine's day plans.

Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary. I can never recall if it is the 16th or the 17th.  I think in two years I get some sort of prize gift on my ten year. I know the first year you are supposed to get a gift of paper or something. Oragimi or something. 

Anyway, zule and I have combined and deferred our valentine's and anniversary celebration until our cruise in March.  I'm contemplating a fake tan. It will be lovely to just be away with him.  I swear to god, if we recieve a communique for anything less than god forbid, death or dismemberment, I'm going to kick the ass of the person contacting us.  Servers dying are not the end of the world. Well, I guess the server on LOST kind of holds the earth together, but that's a t.v. show.

Oh, BAAL totally predicted LOST would devolve to the point where there were "monkey butlers".  He is absolutely accurate.  Good call. Also, he predicted with uncanny knowledge, the popularity of the song "my humps". eerie really.

On the 26th I have a job interview for a job I REALLY REALLY want. This is novel, b/c usually I look at employment as something taking me away from that which I want to do.  In other words, its typically "hmm, you'll have to pay me this much to leave my warm house with an internet connection and appear at a desk on or about 9ish".  I've always been the proficient yet goofy admin who comes in very late, leaves a little late to make up for it, but does a good job while actually forced behind the desk.  I have to change my interview techniques! I have a feeling that my former attitude is not going to fly. 

Slowly but surely its becoming beautiful.  Our basement was dismal. It has been redone into a bedroom, a new bathroom and an entertainment room. After it is finished, I'm ripping out my ground floor bathroom and kitchen and redoing those as well.  Invariably, this will happen during finals in May. I just know it.

I have a lot of issues with spatial relationships, and today this culminated in an embarassing incident at the typhonic touchless car wash in Hikes Point.  In the words of Sweatone, who related the story to his dad:

Momma drove in, but she was bad and got stuck, so her had to back up and go forward again.  The car wash man was kind of mad, and it was kind of scary.

Baal, a flatiron is a device to make one's hair flat. It looks like tongs, but the edges heat up and one pulls their hair through it.

Anna Nicole Smith is dead!

I wish I could be surprised.

I was more surprised at the following. After my constitutional law class, I was standing outside, and this guy Josh comes up and says "Will you marry me?" and hands me a ring. It was my wedding ring. Which is strange because I never take it off. Apparently my fingers are getting thin.

Sweatone is the Admiral and Dbot is the general. Case in point:

I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. (not BCE baal) to wake up and take Dbot to school. Okay, so I overslept. I then woke up at 7 a.m. and went downstairs to see what was going on. Dbot was still asleep. Zule said she was sick, but I knew this was not the case. Somehow, she'd heard voices at 4 a.m. while dreaming and therefore was in no condition to go to school. Except, I made her get ready. I blow dried her hair, and flatironed it and took her to school. Well then, school let out early and b/c I rock, I went to the busstop to pick her up so she would not be cold walking home.  She gave me the one minute sign from a distance after she got off the bus and then proceeded to get in a snow ball fight. Some how, one of her adversaries had stabbed at them with an icesicle and it was war.

Later, Sweatone got to use our new urinal first. He has no concept he is the low dog on the totem pole. He thinks he is the admiral. 

I got a new haircut. That is really all that happened today.

I have no interest in this years super bowl. Instead, I used today to clean the house and play with the kids.

Yesterday, I made them gingerbread men and they seemed to like decorating them with icing and raisins. I had no idea gingerbread was composed of mainly molasses or that molasses was sugar cane juice. I thought it came from a tree like sap or something. Like maple syrup.

I also learned that chain mail was invented 100 B.C.E.

Sweatone did not have a nap today so I'm hoping he'll conk out and sleep before Rome comes on at 9.

I went and bought a lot of groceries b/c I don't intend to leave the house until it warms up outside. I mean not even to take the garbage out. I'm glad I don't have a dog I have to walk.
I also got some books at the library, in anticipation of it being cold outside. I had lost a book, but the cool chick at the library did not charge me for it, so I can use my library card again. I got a biography of cicero, so I can discern what the hell is going on on the show "Rome". Yes, I realize I have a degree in History. I have pretty much forgotten everything I ever learned about anything pre law school. I also got a book on interior design and a book on piracy. I was not in a fictional mood. I also got a cook book, b/c I like to pick out meals and make them. Of course my kids and husband won't eat them, but that is because they are plebians.
I am also on the hunt for a victorian camelback wood trimmed couch. I intend to locate that item after it warms up.