Words from the burbs

I hope that when I die, I can look back on this day. First of all, Kentucky has been remarkable temperate for the season. I mulched, I pruned, I watered. I tried to weed whack, but it ran out of string. I also read up on the first amendment.  I wish all the days were like today. Right now, the kids are out front, playing on the swing. The last I checked, the baby was wearing a bicycle helmet with a branch sticking out of the top.  As of two weeks ago, the kids formed alliances on the block, and move up and down the street as a swarm.  They stop at each parents' house to reap the rewards of each house. At my house, they get a rope swing and strawberries to eat. 

Zule and his stepdad are in the process of erradicating a "hive" of carpetener bees that live in our garage. Zule is spraying them with bug spray. Last nite, one came at him and he fell down avoiding its angry wrath. Then, dave's stepdad, who is deathly terrified of the bees, ended up with it on his shirt. I was inside during this occurance and  heard a whole bunch of yelling, but since it was adult yelling and not kid yelling, I just kind of stayed inside until all bees were accounted for and dead.

I'm determined to have a cute yard this year. I am filling in a drainage hole out front and spreading grass seed like fire! Sweatone filled the hole in with water after I filled it with dirt and now I have quicksand out front. I hope no squirrels perish. Sweatone got so muddy he looked hilarious. He has a fever and a rash today, I suppose I should not let him get wet, but maybe the mud will help the rash.

I'm in process of getting the shot Baal! You and your cervical cancer shot. Jesus. We live in America.

I got my computer all fixed up. It turns out I'm just a moron, but whatever, at least it's resolved.
Dbot's health book has a complete abstinence only curriculum. The only discussion of sex really is about diseases and that if you wait till your married, its good. Sadly, they only have one set of health books for six classes to share. Their Cats testing takes up all of the kids' time, so they are having the french teacher do a segment on health. It sounds absurd to me.  I came home from taking the baby to the pool and Dbot was like "I had to kill to get this text book". 
BTW, as a parent, do  I hope my children will choose abstinent lifestyle choices? absolutely. Do  I want them to understand that if indeed, they chose to have sex that there are different contraceptives and prophylactics? yes. Do I foresee me glaring at a teenaged boy in the next few years? Signs point to yes. Luckily Dbots kind of a cute nerd. If I had a shakira looking 13 year old,  I think I'd have to kill myself right now.

so my computer refuses to load up secure exam. That is some silly software that we have that keeps us from cheating on our law school exams.  My secure exam software was not working correctly, last semester, so I hand wrote my exams. Pain in the ass. I blame my c+ in evidence on handwriting the exam, not apparently, my inability to master a rule based course.  Strangely, I can put evidence rules into the most mundane situations, but not apparently on an exam. O well. So this semester I want to type my exams using stinky secure exam. So I registered on time, but you have to upload a practice exam to the network so that IT can make sure your exam works.  There was a deadline of the friday before spring break, the 9th to upload this. I admittedly forgot about the entire thing until Saturday the 10th. I go to run secure exam and it does not work. O well,  I say, I will deal with it when I get back from spring break.

In business orgs today, I casually mention to my friend Asseff that I needed to talk to the Dean about secure exam b/c I'd missed the deadline.

Asseff: good luck on that. Dean H*** made a whole bunch of first years write a brief on why they missed the deadline and still would not let then take it.
Me: Ha! funny joke.
Asseff: I'm not joking.
Me: Ha! funny joke. A brief. (side note: first years live in fear of an appellate brief they have to do and this would be a particularly heinious punishment see blog from March 05 for gentle writer's own brief related trauma)
Asseff: Seriously
Me: If you were joking that would be funny.

So I realized, if I marched in and tried to relitigate the same stupid deadline missing issue with Dean H*** I was not going to prevail. Hmmm, maybe if  I try a different issue based on the facts here being so totally different (e.g. practice law).

Me: Dean H***, I need to talk to you about two words you do not want to hear.
Dean: What?
Me: Secure exam. I've technically missed the upload deadline.
Dean: Why?
Me: My computer does not work with the software so I can't upload anything.

really this should be the end of it, either "get out of here" or "you are forgiven". Insead, in true lawyer form, he looked at the school policy, the honor code and the IT code and found an ambiguity in whether or not students were indeed required to upload exams that they could not actually create when they had software issues.
So I got out with a stern warning. Sure enough he sent the email to IT that I was to be exempted from the deadline. Here are all the emails:

from dean to IT: Please allow ****** to try to upload a practice exam despite the lapsed deadline.  She is having some hardware issues with her laptop and may need to purchase a new machine to use this semester.  Although she understands that we might have been made aware of this before the deadline, we will allow her an exception this semester, provided she resolves the hardware problems or replaces the machine with all due speed.

from IT back around: We can't really turn the upload page on for one person without turning it on for everyone. ******, please just take at least a 15-minute practice test and e-mail the document to me.  Securexam Student will save it to your Desktop when you exit the exam session.

from me, with original point: Actually, I'm having difficulty with actually getting the secure exam to load at all. I'll bring my lap top tommorrow to show you.

Damn my cunning. Some first years gonna be jealous.

Since I had recovered from 24 hours of hellish stomach flu, and cleaned the house, I decided to take the kids to the zoo and for a picnic. And by picnic I mean KFC. We stopped by, and Dbot was yelling that the family size popcorn chicken was not enough, so I got another medium sized popcorn chicken along with our order. We got to the zoo and found the picnic area, and we were then attacked by cannibalistic canadian geese. We ended up sitting on top of our picnic table to escape their avarice, which makes little sense, because they can fly. Eventually a zoo person came along and shushed them along. Sweatone threw some popcorn chicken at them, which they ate, so I know their cannibals. The rest of the zoo was nice, except the elephants weren't out.

Zule and I snuck away from the family to go see 300. Prior to going in, we decided to eat somewhere and for convenience, we ate at "#1 Asian Buffet" at the Mid City Mall.  It was my decision, I was lured in by the name. Let me tell you, it is not #1 unless it is opposite day. The only food that was left was the shit that no one wants to eat. Like "Salt and Pepper Frog Legs".   I almost ate one to say I had, but then I realized later, I'd think about what I'd eaten and get sick.  The most disturbing display was a pile of crayfish that looked exactly like a scene from Dachau.  Off to the left, there was a scout troup arguing with the buffet chick over the cost, b/c they did not have enough money. 
The entire time Zule is using a fake chinese accent and saying "number 1 buffet". 
We then went to see 300. It was okay.  Afterwards I thought of a spoof in my head detailing the birth and early training of an IT help desk employee, whereby instead of death training at 7 they are given a gameboy. That kept me occupied for ten minutes.

Rejection letter today from firm at which I really wanted to work:

 

Thank you for your interest in working at our firm. After a careful review of your qualifications its apparent that you are more than qualified for the position. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you employment at this time.

 

I read this to mean "great resume, but you suck in person".

I'm really depressed over it. I want a job as a clerk asap. If I don't get one in the next six weeks, I'm totally doomed. :(

I am waiting t see if Zule asks me why on earth there are latex gloves filled with water hanging from the shower caddy in the bathroom.

Tulum was gorgeous. Our cruise was wonderful. Now I am trying to catch up on laundry.