February 2008 - Posts
I have to brag up on my kids. They are both spoiled brats, but they are truly smart. The teenage one is nearly self sufficient and is completely self centered. She took off for a field trip and took the hair dryer, which she had begged me not to bring to White Plains b/c she needed it (we had overlapping hair dryer requiring field trips). I conceded and when got back, the hair dryer was gone and the house was thrashed. THRASHED. I left her shitty voice mails until I got it out of my system. Dude, there was a bucket of rotted KFC chicken on the counter! When she finally picked up her phone today, she answered with a quavering "hheelllowww" and I was like "Oh my god, what is wrong are you okay?" I'd forgotten I was mad the day before. The truth is, for whatever serotonin reason, my rage has a half life of 12 minutes. I wished her luck in her competition.
Then, my son wants to be an inventor when he grows up. He spends all day inventing shit. Now truth be told, he'll probably end up in a cubicle like the rest of us subject to the whims of marketing and upper management, but it's good to have dreams. He came out and informed Zule he wanted to make a catnip dispensor. Zule was like "okay, little buddy". The little dude took a piece of paper, rolled it into a funnel, with a hole at the bottom just large enough to let out catnip, taped the whole thing shut and taped it to my wall at exactly cat height. Its the best invention, I for one, have ever seen. (except flushing toilets and the "rabbit").
Further, my trip to white plains/ nyc was a success. Our team died in preliminaries, so Zule and I tooled around NYC, but spent a lot of time sleeping in White Plains. Never underestimate the beauty of uninterupted sleep. We were going to go to the Staten Island Ferry and go see the statue of liberty (I can't type that now without typing "statute" of. . .) but the information booth chick failed to tell us you needed a bus card to pay for the bus fare, not cash, which sucked. Also, our first greeting to NYC was some lady bitching behind us about our smoking. At first, I did not even realize she was talking to us, but eventually, four minutes into the tirade, I caught on. See, in Kentucky, shit is different than that. We don't say loud audible shit behind someone's back. We either whisper horrific rumours completely out of earshot, or go right around the front of them and challenge they ass to a duel. Overall, I got most excited by Grand Central Station. I spent a long time reading the plaques on the wall and pissing Zule off. Further, we played a game called starbucks, where if you saw a new starbucks, you got a point. Zule won, but I came back from 7 - 2 to 7 - 5 so that was good.
As I was on the plane I learned from a new Ken Follett book the origin of the word "to forestall". See in the Middle Ages, people had to pay to sell stuff in a stall, but if the lines to pay to get there were too long, then the merchants would barter illegally amongst themselves, and "fore-stall" the tax on the stall. I love learning shit like that.
I have this stupid moot court, which the only thing that is keeping me from going postal is that I get to go to White Plains New York, and potentially go see NYC, which for god knows what reason, I've never visited. Anyway, I have to argue from two different positions, and to keep my son from going downstairs and bothering his sister, who is trying to sew 9 irish skirts, I asked did he want to be the judge. He responded by going and getting his clip on tie from his bedroom, clipping it to his shirt. I gave him a gavel (for some convenient reason, there was a gavel stuck in the couch and I pulled it out and gave it to him). I got through the first sentence of my opening:
Your honors, the plaintiffs have no standing. Although this a public law, a private individual must have an injury in fact, fairly traceable to the defendant's actions. The defendant's are not administering a pesticide that will cause a fish kill.
bang bang goes the gavel.
Sweatone opines from the bench: "don't kill the fish and don't put your privates in the water."
Best opinion ever.
It snowed, so I stayed home with the kids. I really did nothing but laze around all day and use the internet. My mom spent the nite last nite b/c of the weather, so that was nice. I am totally ready to get out of the house though. We tried to go to the creation museum last Sunday, but it was closed. We went to the Newport Aquarium and had a blast. The two days before that I was sick and sweatone was sick. Next week, Zule and I go to New York. White Plains. I'm going for a scholastic competition, so I hope I lose in prelims so I can spend the rest of the three days in manhattan.
I love my family.
I love my husband's stoicism, defied only by a nostril flare that I can alone detect. I love my daugher's snubbed nose and her flash of braces and her myspace profile status update. I love my small son for his continuous delusion since birth that the world is his, and only his oyster.
I love watching traffic on interstates. Each car shows me there is someone, determined to get somewhere.
I also love peas.
Everyone asked why I was doing a tax externship. Because I get to litigate me some bitches, myself, in Federal Court. I had a trial last Monday, and did not faint. That was good. Plus the judge framed his own legal issue and then all I had to say was "unconditional release" but I said "unconditioner release" and that seemed sufficient.
Further, I've been defending myself against sudanese and amish people. That's awesome.
IRS is love.